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  The Governor

  THE GOVERNOR’S office, about two o’clock in the afternoon. Ranged about the table, talking in whispers, area petitioner for a pardon, dressed in ordinary clothes but having a pasty pallor, a singularly close haircut, and a habit of starting nervously whenever he is addressed; two guards, carrying guns on their hips in holsters; a witness, a prosecutor, and counsel for the petitioner. THE GOVERNOR enters, accompanied by a woman secretary, and they all stand up until he has sat down and donned his glasses. In a moment a lovely aroma begins to perfume the air. It is such an aroma as pervades a bonded distillery, and unmistakably it comes from the head of the table, where THE GOVERNOR has taken his place.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Gen’lemen, y’ may p’ceed.

  COUNSEL FOR THE PETITIONER

  Yes, Yexcellency.

  THE GOVERNOR

  ’N I’ll ashk y’ t’ be ’s brief ’s y’ can, c’se busy af’noon w’ me. Gi’ me th’ facksh, that’s all I w’nt know. ’M plain, blunt man, got no time f’ detailsh. Gi’ me facksh, ’n y’ won’t have t’ worry ’bout fair trea’m’nt f’m me.

  COUNSEL

  I think I speak for everybody here, Yexcellency, when I say we’re all anxious to save Yexcellency’s time, and—

  THE GOVERNOR

  ’Preciate ’at.

  COUNSEL

  And so I imagine the best way would be for me to sketch in for Yexcellency, briefly of course, the history of this case, I may say this very unusual case.

  THE PROSECUTOR

  So unusual, Yexcellency, that the Parole Board threw up its hands and refused to have anything to do with it whatsoever, and that is why Yexcellency’s valuable time—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Nev’ min’ Parole Board. Is ’t mer’tor’s case, tha’s all want know.

  THE PROSECUTOR

  I understand that, Yexcellency. I only wanted to say that the prawscution regards this case as abslutely prepawstrous.

  THE GOVERNOR

  A’right. Y’said it.

  COUNSEL

  Now, Yexcellency, this young man Greenfield Farms, this young man you see here—

  THE GOVERNOR

  One mom’nt. When’s ex’cution take plashe?

  COUNSEL

  I’m glad Yexcellency reminded me of that, because praps I ought to have explained it sooner. Fact of the matter, Yexcellency, this is not a capital case.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Gi’ me facksh, gi’ me facksh! I got no time f detailsh. When’s ex’cution take plashe, I said.

  COUNSEL

  Yes, Yexcellency. I was only telling Yexcellency that there won’t be any execution, because—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Wha’s ’at?

  COUNSEL

  Because this young man Farms wasn’t sentenced to death; he was sentenced to the penitentiary—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Oh!

  COUNSEL

  On a ten year term, ten years in prison, for participation in the armed march we had some years ago, when the miners made all that trouble. Or, as it’s never been clear in my mind that Farms had any idea what he was doing at that time—

  THE PETITIONER

  Never did. I hope my die I just went out there to see what was going on—

  A GUARD

  Hey! Sh!

  COUNSEL

  Praps I should have said alleged participation.

  THE PROSECUTOR

  And another thing praps you should have said was that of his ten years in prison he has already served three and he’ll get two more off for good behavior and that leaves five and five is a little different from ten.

  THE GOVERNOR

  C’me on, c’me on!

  THE PROSECUTOR

  I’m only—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Y’ only pett’fogg’n. Shu’ up.

  COUNSEL

  Now, Yexcellency will recall that as a result of that uprising, six defendants, of which Farms was one, were convicted of treason to the State and the rest were allowed to plead guilty of unlawful assemblage—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Don’t was’ m’ time talk’n ’bout ’at upris’n. I know all ’bout it. I’s right there ’a saw fi’ thous’n of ’m march by m’own front ya’d. Get on ’th facksh.

  COUNSEL

  Then if Yexcellency is familiar with that, we’re ready now for this witness, and after he has told his story I can outline briefly to Yexcellency the peculiar bearing it has on this case, and—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Is ’at witness?

  THE WITNESS

  Yes, sir.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Sit over here where I c’n see y’ better. ’N don’t shtan’ ’n awe ’f me. Washa name?

  THE WITNESS

  Ote Bailey, sir.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Shpeak right out, Bailey. ’M plain, blunt man ’n y’ needn’t shtan’ ’n awe ’f me.

  COUNSEL

  Now, Bailey, if you’ll tell the Governor in your own words what you told the Parole Board—

  THE WITNESS

  Well, it was like this. I was coming down the street on the milk-wagon early in the morning, right down Center Street in Coal City, and it was cold and there was a thin skim of ice on the street. And the mare was a-slipping and sliding pretty near every step, because she was old and the cheap dairy company hadn’t shoed her right for cold weather. And—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Wha’s ’at? Milk-wagon?

  COUNSEL

  Just a moment, Yexcellency. Now, Bailey, you forgot to tell the Governor when this was.

  THE WITNESS

  This here was twenty-three year ago come next January.

  COUNSEL

  All right, now go ahead and—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Hol’ on, Bailey, hol’ on. [To COUNSEL] Young man, I got worl’ o’ patience. ’M plain, blunt man, a’ls will’n t’ help people ’n distress, p’ticularly when—p’ticularly—p’ticularly—h’m—p’ticularly. But wha’s twen’ three yea’s ’go got t’ do ’th ’is ex’cution? Tell me that.

  COUNSEL

  Well, Yexcellency, I thought it would save time if we let Bailey tell his story first, and then I can outline the bearing it has on this case. But if Yexcellency prefers, I’ll be glad to—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Young man, ’re you trifl’n ’th me?

  COUNSEL

  Not at all, Yexcellency, I—

  THE GOVERNOR

  I warn y’ ri’ now I won’t shtan’ f’ trifl’n. Facksh, facksh, tha’s what I want!

  COUNSEL

  Yes, Yexcellency.

  THE GOVERNOR

  A’ right, Bailey, g’ on ’th it. I’ll see ’f I c’n get facksh m’self.

  THE WITNESS

  So pretty soon, the mare went down. She went right down in the shafts, and I seen I would have to unhook her to get her up.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Y’ right, y’ qui’ right. Y’ can’t get ’m up ’thout y’ unhook ’m. No use try’n. G’ on.

  THE WITNESS

  So then I got down offen the wagon and commence unhooking her. And I just got one breeching unwrapped, ’cause they didn’t have snap breechings then, when I heared something.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Whasha hear?

  THE WITNESS

  I heared a mewling.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Mewl’n?

  THE WITNESS

  That’s right. First off, sound like a cat, but then it didn’t sound like no cat. Sound funny.

  THE GOVERNOR

  What sound like?

  THE WITNESS

  Sound like a child.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Y’ sure?

  THE WITNESS

  Yes, sir.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Sound’ like child. Thank God, now ’m gett’n some facksh. G’ on. What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  So I left the
mare, left her laying right where she was, and commence looking around to see where it was coming from.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Where what was com’n f’m?

  THE WITNESS

  This here mewling.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Oh, yes. Mewl’n. F’got f’ mom’nt. G’ on, Bailey. Shpeak right out. Don’t shtan’ ’n awe ’f me. What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  So pretty soon I figured it must be coming from the sewer, what run down under Center Street, and I went over to the manhole and listened and sure enough that was where it was coming from.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Shew’r?

  THE WITNESS

  Yes, sir.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Keep right on, Bailey. Y’ g’ me more facksh ’n fi’ minutes ’n whole pack ’lawyersh gi’ me ’n week.

  COUNSEL

  I assure Yexcellency—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Keep out o’ this, young man. Y’ tried m’ patience ’nough already. ’M after facksh ’n ’m gett’n ’m. G’ on, Bailey.

  THE WITNESS

  So I tried to get the cover offen the manhole, but I couldn’t lift it. I tried hard as I could, but I couldn’t budge it.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Busha tried?

  THE WITNESS

  Yes, sir.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Thasha shtuff! G’ on.

  THE WITNESS

  So then I figured the best thing was to get some help and I run all the way up and down the street looking for a cop. And pretty soon I found a couple of them. And first off they didn’t believe it, but then when they come to the manhole and heared this here mewling, they tried to lift the cover with me, and all three of us couldn’t move it, and why we couldn’t move it was it was froze to the rim.

  THE GOVERNOR

  F’oze?

  THE WITNESS

  Yes, sir.

  THE GOVERNOR

  F’oze. G’ on.

  THE WITNESS

  So then we figured the best thing to do would be to put in a alarm. We figured if we got the fire company down there, maybe they would have something to move it with.

  THE GOVERNOR

  G’ on. Keep right on till I tell y’ to shtop, Bailey.

  THE WITNESS

  So we went to the box and put in a alarm. And pretty soon here come the hook-and-ladder galloping down the street. And five fellows what was members of the Coal City Volunteer Fire Department was on it, because they was still setting in the fire-house playing a poker game what they had started the night before after supper.

  THE GOVERNOR

  The Coal City Vol’teer Fi’ D’pa’ment?

  THE WITNESS

  Yes, sir. So then—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Wait minute. Wait minute, Bailey. Y’ touch m’ heart now. The ol’ Coal City Vol’teer Fi’ D’pa’ment, wha’ y’ know ’bout ’at? I was mem’ that m’self. I was mem’ that—le’s see, mus’ been thirty yea’s ’go.

  COUNSEL

  I hear it was a wonderful company in those days, Yexcellency.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Won’ful ’n ’en some. We won State ca’nival three times runn’n. C’n y’ ’magine ’at?

  COUNSEL

  You don’t mean it, Yexcellency!

  THE GOVERNOR

  Well, well! Y’ touch m’ heart now, Bailey, y’ cert’ny have. ’S goin’ be ha’d f’ me t’ send y’ t’ chair ’f y’ was mem’ old Coal City Vol’teer Fi’ D’pa’ment. G’ on. What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  —?

  COUNSEL

  Don’t sit there with your mouth hanging open like that, Bailey. The Governor was thinking of something else, of course.

  THE WITNESS

  Oh! So then them fellows pulled in their horses and got down offen the hook-and-ladder and commence hollering where was the fire. So we told them it wasn’t no fire, but a child down the sewer, and then they got sore, because they claim we broke up their poker game and it was roodles.

  THE GOVERNOR

  What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  So we ast them to help us get the cover off, and they wasn’t going to do it. But just then this here mewling come again, just a little bit. It had kind of died off, but now it started up again, and them fellows, soon as they heared it, they got busy. ’Cause this here mewling, it give you the shivers right up and down your back.

  THE GOVERNOR

  What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  So then we put the blade of one of them axes next to the cover, between it and the rim, and beat on it with another ax. And that broke it loose and we got it off.

  THE GOVERNOR

  What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  So then them firemen put a belt on me, what they use to hook on the hose when they shove it up on them ladders, and let me down in the sewer. And I struck a match and sure enough there was a child, all wrapped up in a bunch of rags, laying out on the sewer water. And why it hadn’t sunk was that the sewer water was froze and a good thing we didn’t shove no ladder down there because if we had the ice would of got broke and the child would of fell in.

  THE GOVERNOR

  What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  So I grabbed the child, and them fellows pulled me up, and then we all got on the hook-and-ladder and whipped up them horses for the Coal City Hospital, ’cause it looked like to me that child was half froze to death, but when we give it in to the hospital we found out that being in the sewer hadn’t hurt it none and it was all right.

  THE GOVERNOR

  So y’ saved child?

  THE WITNESS

  Yes, sir.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Tha’s good! …Well, Bailey, y’ made good case f’ y’self. I don’t min’ say’n, ’m ’pressed.

  COUNSEL

  But this witness isn’t quite finished with his testimony, Yexcellency.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Wha’s ’at? He saved child, didn’ he? ’A’s all wan’ know. Facksh, facksh, tha’s what I go on!

  COUNSEL

  But Yexcellency—

  THE GOVERNOR

  A’ right, ą’ right. G’ on, Bailey, what ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  So then, when I got back to the milk-wagon and unwrapped the other breeching and unslipped the traces, the old mare couldn’t get up nohow. She was stiff from cold, and I had to get them cops again and shoot her. So the dairy company was pretty sore. The old mare, she weren’t worth more’n twenty-five dollars, but them company men let on I was hired to take care of the company property and not pull no babies outen the sewer.

  THE GOVERNOR

  What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  So we had it pretty hot for a while, and then later on that day I went down to the hospital for to look at the baby and get them nurses there to name him Greenfield Farms, what was the name of the dairy company, so when they put it in the Coal City News about the baby being found, the company would get a free ad outen it, anyway twenty-five dollars’ worth, what was the worth of the mare, and they did and we was square.

  THE GOVERNOR

  What ’en?

  THE WITNESS

  Well, I reckon that’s all. ’Cepting I picked up the paper about six months ago, and I seen where a fellow name of Greenfield Farms had spoke a piece at a entertainment what they had in the penitentiary, and I got to wondering if it was the same one, and I asked one or two people about it, and they sent me to this gentleman here, and come to find out it was.

  COUNSEL

  So Yexcellency can see that this young man here, this young man Greenfield Farms, is one and the same with the child this witness pulled out of the sewer twenty-three years ago.

  THE GOVERNOR

  ’N ’a’s all?

  THE WITNESS

  Yes, sir.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Well Bailey, don’ min’ say’n y’ touch m’ heart. Th
e ol’ Coal City Vol’teer Fi’ D’pa’ment, wha’ y’ know ’bout ’at?

  COUNSEL

  Now Yexcellency, you’ve heard the story of this witness, I may say the truly remarkable story of this witness, which I think Yexcellency will agree had the stamp of truth all over it—

  THE GOVERNOR

  The ol’ Coal City Vol’teer Fi’ D’pa’ment…!

  COUNSEL

  A story, praps I should add, that we are prepared to substantiate in every particular from the hospital records, which we will leave with Yexcellency, and I may call Yexcellency’s attention to this certificate in particular, which states that the child was at least a month old when it was admitted, and—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Now wha’s all ’is got t’ do ’th pa’don f’ Bailey?

  COUNSEL

  Farms, Yexcellency.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Farmsh, ’en?

  COUNSEL

  I’m coming to that, Yexcellency. Now the salient point about this evidence, Yexcellency, is that it establishes beyond any reasonable doubt in my mind that there is nowhere in existing records any proof of Farms’s citizenship. He was, I remind Yexcellency, a month old when admitted to the Coal City Hospital. And what does that prove? It proves, Yexcellency, that he might have been born almost anywhere on the whole face of the earth. He might have been born anywhere from Greenland’s icy mountains to India’s coral strand. He is, so far as documentary proof to the contrary goes, Yexcellency, that most unfortunate being, I may say that pitiable being, who can claim no land as his own, being nothing more or less, Yexcellency, as the fellow says, a man without a country!

  THE GOVERNOR

  Well, well, well. I ashk y’ f facksh, ’n now y’ begin shpout’n poetry at me. Man ’thout country, hunh? Tha’s in’st’n.

  COUNSEL

  Now I remind Yexcellency once more that the crime of which Farms stands convicted is treason. And treason is unique among crimes, Yexcellency, in that before any man can be convicted of it, his citizenship must be established, beyond all shadow of doubt, because TREASON, Yexcellency, as all the AUTHORITIES agree—

  THE GOVERNOR

  Shtop yell’n!

  COUNSEL

  Yes, Yexcellency—implies a ALLEGIANCE—a allegiance to the State against which it is alleged to have been committed. And under the law.

  THE GOVERNOR

  Law? Law? Y’ talk’n t’ me ’bout law?

  COUNSEL

  Yes, Yexcellency, and—